I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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