woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I need to align my fucking chakras
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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