remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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