I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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