apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
is wine microwaveable?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
