There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
