So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
