Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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