It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
