i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
