Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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