my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
