batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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