my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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