I'm eating all of the evidence.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
