shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
