Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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