I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
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I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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