sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
