beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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