Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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