tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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