Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
