just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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