Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
did i walk over a car last night?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
