Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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