Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
