i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
