I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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