I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
