now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
