Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
