Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize