Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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