...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
