If i come over, it means nothing
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
