he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
