I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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