the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
