Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
