Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
