Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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