soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
