I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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