dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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