Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
