we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
