No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
