So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
sex in a hospital.. check
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
