Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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