i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
