You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
