2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He passed out mid-signature
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
