I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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