Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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