i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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