This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
