It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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