my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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