Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
