what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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