just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
