Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
