remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
