I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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