just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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