Kareoke will never be a sober sport
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
