I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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