How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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