i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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