if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
birth control should be required to get into college
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
