we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
