is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
