I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
