oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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