Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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