I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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