Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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