so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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