Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize