the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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