My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
