evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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