I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
