one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
whose ass print is on the piano?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
