Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
